Monday, April 15, 2013
A NEW LIFE
I have two young sons and at first, their earlier years were just spent with me, as their father and I were not together and he was literally off doing his own thing. Back then I felt alone and worthless, I never wanted to be a single mother. And I definitely did not want my sons lacking in anything.
After I stopped feeling sorry for myself I started to move forward in my life, working and providing for my boys as best I could. I remember how I used to pray to God, for strength, for wisdom, for guidance. But after the prayer, that would be as far as my acknowledgement of God would go.
Eventually, the father of my boys decided to come back into the picture, and at the time, I thought God had answered my prayers. So we moved in together and I thought this would be the beginning of my "happy family".
Unfortunately, our relationship, which had always been fragile, started to crack and ended up being an explosion of verbal, physical and emotional abuse from both of us. All this time our sons were witnessing the arguments and fights. Because of the situation at home, I found myself alone with the kids more and more, while my partner would be out drinking, smoking, hanging out with his friends and even sleeping with other women.
When I think back to it, I was in the mind set of, “my mother went through the same sort of thing, so I’m strong like my mother…” I laugh about that now.
In the midst of such destruction, I still tried as best I could to nurture my children and give them the love that they deserved. We would go to the park, to the library, go swimming etc. and for those brief moments, I felt content. But then returning home, the reality of the brokenness between my partner and I was clear. We hardly spoke to each other, and when we did, it was to argue about one thing or another.There was no love between us anymore.
So this is how I came to God; with my broken relationship, my feeling of inadequacy as a mother, a wife, even a woman.
My partner actually started attending the UCKG first. But out of curiosity and the thought that he was attending to see another woman, made me attend not long after. I had no interest in hearing the messages, as I thought “I have my own personal relationship with God”.
But, slowly I started attending the services more and more.
Today, I am married to the father of my children. He and I made a decision; to let God fix what we thought could never be mended. Our love for each other, through God, was renewed. And every day we try to instil in our boys, to put their trust and faith in God, who will never let you down.
Now that I have God as my foundation, I can withstand anything and be the best mother for my sons. My husband and I will raise them with the intention for them to be true men of God.
If God is mercy, justice, love, strength etc. to me as His child then why can’t we be the same for our children? Let us reflect on God and be the example to our children, it’s the least we can do.
Auckland, New Zealand